Please excuse my momentary pity party...

Some days that are really busy and overwhelming, don't you sometimes wish you could just be a little sick so you could just curl up on your couch and catch up on all of the shows you've recorded... people cater to you because you're in such a pitiful state... offer to bring you things and sometimes even fluff your pillow... you can completely veg without anyone thinking less of you because, well, you're sick.

Well,not only am I really sick... I'm really sick of my couch and I am sooooo tired of watching tv. It got so bad that I moved around furniture yesterday so I could sit at the computer comfortably and ended up playing online poker for at least 6 hours! (Doubled my money by the way!) I'm grateful for people's willingness to bring me what I need but it sucks that when you feel like crap, you don't even want anything.

The other thing about being sick is it's lonely. You get quarantined to a section of the house and you stay there...alone. Not that you want anyone there when you're barfing or disgusting things continue to come out of your nose, but you do... you wish someone could just sit with you in your misery. The other night, my body revolted on a cough spray I'd just taken and well... without going into detail, it was really gross. My kind husband descended into my despair and without a word or breath of disgust, he cleaned it all up. I really appreciated that. Really alot.

So maybe from now on, if I want to veg I just will. Being sick sucks. I miss being in the same room as my family. I miss getting dressed. I miss going places and doing things. In the meantime, I'm going to play some more online poker... they don't cringe when I blow my nose or get sick when I cough on them there.

18 and counting...

Scott and I honored 18 years of married life yesterday. He took the day off and we just spent it together doing this life that God's given us. We went to the grocery store together where he got to see first hand how the grocery bill can be so big so easily, then took the boys swimming and we basked in the sun while they bickered endlessly. We then went home and took naps before going out to a delicious dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse where the Parmesan Crusted Chicken is delectable and the dessert in the form of a mountain of chocolate cake with 7 kinds of chocolate isn't so bad either! The bill was covered by a gift card from his company honoring Scott's hard work... which made it even more delicious. We rounded out the evening sitting around our fire pit in the night air with our boys...talking and saying nothing at all.

I can't help but look back at the 18 years that Scott and I have lived this life together and wonder how we have made it this far. Scott grew up in a family where staying together was just what you do... I grew up seeing relationships scattered in broken pieces around me. It's not always been easy. Like all marriages, we have loved deeply and wounded even deeper.

Eighteen years ago, I was a 20 year old bride with stars in my eyes for a boy who loved and adored me like no other had and I was smitten. I'm not that same girl anymore though. I get really ornery sometimes. I get mad and scrappy when I feel disrespected. I'm not as shapely as I use to be... although round is a shape. I can be harsh, guarded, skeptical and unafraid to stand up for myself.
That said. I am blessed beyond measure that this boy not only loved me, but loved God and cared about the things God cares about. His heart would continue to desire to honor God and as a result, he continues to honor me and the vows our young hearts made so many years ago. Because some days, the easiest thing to do would be to find something better... easier... prettier... more fun. But that's not what love does...
It holds on when you feel like letting go. It forgives offenses and grants grace to the offender.... knowing well, that one day, you will need the same forgiveness and the same grace in return.

I'm still learning to believe that we will be old together... but I believe it more each day. History has shown me that people can stay together for a lifetime but many simply don't choose to do so. I'm learning that there are warriors that guard fragile marriages... forgiveness, grace, kindness, laughter, playfulness and an unwavering commitment to always be willing to be a participant in all of the above at any moment.

So Scott, thank you for choosing me to be your wife all those years ago, and for continuing to choose me in all the days that have and will follow... for better or worse... for all the days of our life. I love you... I'd still choose you and I look forward to being old, sagging, wrinkly lovers!

An abundant life...

I really like my life.
I live in a house that makes me feel safe, creative and overwhelmingly comfortable.

I live in a neighborhood where people not only know each other, but we really like each other and enjoy being together.

I live in a family that I really love. I would still, after all of these 18 years, choose Scott... to be the one I sleep and wake with all the days of my life. My two boys, Gavin and Eliot, are becoming men that I am proud to say are my sons... they, I believe, make this world a better place for their kindness, courteousness, respect, playfulness and friendship.

I live in community with friends that I love like family and family that I love like friends. These kind souls who cradle my truest self with such strength and gentleness... it is my honor to love them and my pleasure to play with them.

I live this life so abundant with gratitude and awe. I'm learning to breathe deeply and bask in the goodness... trusting the One who thought of me, shaped me and pours His kindness and grace over me.

You Say Tornado Warning... I Say Party!

So what do you do during a Tornado Warning/Watch? Some just hide in the basement 'til the "all clear" is given... not us.

We made an evening of it... some of us tried to will the Cavaliers

to a Game 7...





Some grew faint in the pursuit of NBA glory

and cranked up a great game of Twister!

Unfortunately, a few more of us grew distracted from the pursuit of NBA glory and started giving airplane rides!

From the most pitiful bucket of 10 piece chicken to the groans of defeat for our Cavaliers...

"de-feet"

...with siren warnings and monsoons surrounding our little home, a great time was had by all! How great to have friends and family, young and old... and it's hard to tell the difference!

All Because of a Cheese Stick

It's been seven months that this blog has had the name 'Scott and Jess' attached to it and I think it's fine time that the Jess in the equation brings something to the table. Today seems to be a fine day to do so. So here goes.

I had a moment in Target today. I generally have moments in Target on a slightly regular basis as I rather enjoy the color red and the vast amount of red stickers that appear in departments I like to peruse. However, this moment stood out among them.

As I checked out with my red stickered Hershey Kisses, Xbox 360 Scene It game and Ice cream cones (all of course, at a fraction of their original prices!), I included an empty wrapper from a cheese stick that I'd devoured in the dairy isle in an attempt to stave off a sure hunger headache! I explained this empty wrapper to the scruffy looking college boy who was scanning my items to which he then said, "You could have just tossed it... no one would ever know."
I replied with a sheepish smile, "Well, God would know and I guess that just matters to me."

I'm not sure I was supposed to hear what he said next or if it was a bait to continue the banter but he spoke quietly... "oh, you're one of those." It caught me off guard. I knew right away who "those" were that he was speaking of. Those people who use God and His words to shame & condemn others... people who beat broken people with spiritual sticks... all in Jesus name.

A reply came with ease, much to my surprise. "I know some of those people too" I said, "They say they are God's kids but they don't act like it. I don't want to be one of those." He proceeded to say "They always want to debate me... the Buddhist. They don't like me." As I signed my bill for the above mentioned bargains, I looked at him and smiled. "I don't need to debate you... I'm sure I'd like you and I'm pretty sure God does too." As I took my bags to leave, he looked me square in the eye and with an awkward thumbs up said "You... are okay."

I left that little red heaven knowing that something had just happened. I wondered if God might have just caught that boy off guard for a moment. I left wondering if I was one of the first of God's kids that he'd ever said that to. I wondered just how badly he'd been beaten by some of those spiritual clubs that are carried with such justification. I wondered why God let's broken people claim to represent Him in such reprehensible ways.
Maybe for the same reason He let this broken person be a part of that moment. Because just sometimes, through all the garbage, someone can see Him... in a little moment in the Target checkout line.

Reset #2 - "Fair" is Over-Rated

I think it is fairly unanimous that we would all agree that life is not fair.

People cut in front of us in line, our neighbors win the lottery, our friend gets two more weeks of vacation than we do...and we've been working longer, countless people have way more stuff (and cooler stuff) than we do, she is thinner than I am, he is taller than I am, they have a bigger house, they lost a child, he has cancer, I'm in a wheelchair....yatta, yatta, yatta. The list goes on. Life is not fair.

Thank God!

This is my second "reset" perception.

For me, the problem with fairness was that I always looked at what I didn't have, what I didn't get, what was out of reach. I was the "victim" of "not fair". But this past week, it was like I became aware of the other side of the coin. It's all relative. I may be aware of all the "things" that I see as not fair to me, but there are countless people who look at me and my life and say "It's not fair" that I have what I have. I saw all the instances of being the "recipient" of "not fair".

One side of the coin revels all the stuff I lack (unfair), but the other side of the same coin reveals all the stuff I have (fair). And you can't split the coin - it is whole. You get both sides.

Funny how we never complain about the "fair" things in our lives. No one ever says, "It's just not right that I have the sailboat", or "It's not fair that my kids are so healthy". We take the fair stuff for granted. But heaven forbid something happen to our sailboat or kids and all of a sudden it's "not fair".

Let's be honest - it's all grace. Undeserved, unmerited favor in God's eyes. Jesus wasn't fair. He gave forgiveness when we all deserved punishment. He gave life when we all deserved death. He gave mercy when we least deserved it.

So I challenge us all - begin to view your life as a glass half-full rather than half-empty and reset your perception of "fair".

Sound fair? Good!

Leper Humor

Reset - Initial Thoughts

So I started reading Luke.

Did you? You were suppose to do this with me. And when you read it, try to read it like it is the first time you have ever read it. Don't jump ahead and say, "Yea, yea...I know this part." Read with fresh eyes.

I've only gotten to Chapter 5 and already have some questions. In fact, I have already bumped up against one of my perceptions of Jesus.

Scene 1
Early in His ministry, Jesus goes down to Capernaum to teach (Luke 4:31). While there, he draws attention, people are amazed, and Jesus becomes the talk of the town. He escapes to Simon's house for the evening. Simon's mother-in-law is sick with a high fever and Jesus heals her. She is so completely recovered, that she immediately gets up and begins to get dinner for them. Well, this gets everyone pretty jazzed and the hoards come from everywhere to get a piece of the healing action. During the chaos that must have been playing out, demons are cast out right and left, screaming, "You are the Son of God", but Jesus shuts them up because they knew too much, knew him to be the Messiah (Luke 3:41). What's up with that?

Scene 2
A few days later, in another town, a man with leprosy comes across Jesus and begs him to be healed. Jesus heals the man immediately, but tells the man not to tell anyone (Luke 5:14). Again, what's up with that?

Scene 3
A few days later, Jesus is teaching and another crowd gathers (he is quickly becoming one popular dude). A group of guys who have a crippled friend try to get their friend close enough to Jesus to be healed, but the crowd was too large. These are determined and ingenious guys, so they get their friend on the roof, cut a hole in the roof, and lower their friend down right in front of Jesus. Jesus is so impressed by the crippled man's friends that he forgives the man's sins (this incident warrants another discussion, but not right now). The religious scholars and leaders of the day get ticked off and ask Jesus who he thinks he is, forgiving sins. They say only God can do that. Jesus replies, "What's easier for me to say? 'I forgive your sins', or 'Get up and start walking'? So Jesus turns to the crippled man and says, "Get up". The man does and walks home with his bed roll.

Wait a minute. Do you see what has me puzzled? In the two prior scenes, Jesus makes a point of keeping his identity hidden. Secret. But in the final scene, he makes a point to identify himself to the crowd, and more importantly, to the Pharisees, as the Son of Man, who has authority to forgive sins and heal. And he not only identifies himself, he does it in such a way that he almost expects them to draw conclusions about who he is.

You see, one of my perceptions was that Jesus came to earth and lived among us to be known. But did he? Was this really why he came? Did he want to be known as the Messiah? If so, why didn't he shout it from the streets and tell everyone he met?

If you are married or have a significant other, you are not with that person because they told you at some point in your relationship that you were suppose to be their spouse. In fact, that would have turned you off. You would have run the other way as fast as you could. If you follow someone as a leader or mentor, or have someone that you admire, you are not drawn to them because they told you how wonderful they are. You discovered that for yourself, through getting to know them, learning about them, about what they like and don't like, about who they really are, through their actions, speech, and life.

I think that's just what Jesus does. I think Jesus is more interested in seeing what conclusions we draw about who he is, rather than tell us who he is. He wants to leave the discovery up to us. And it's a discovery that lasts a lifetime.

I'm interested in your thoughts, ideas, perceptions. Join in the discussion. Let's "Reset" together.

Reset

We are embarking on an experiment in our church. For the next 6 weeks, we are going to try to "reset" our perceptions of Jesus.

The cool thing (and there is more than one cool thing) is that about 40 other churches in the Cincinnati area are embarking on this experiment with us (or us with them).

Here' the premise: We all have perceptions of Jesus. Some of them might be accurate. Most of them are way off base. Hey...don't get offended. I'm included in that statement. Be honest. We're human - He's God. It's pretty presumptuous to assume we "get" what He is and was all about.

I would love for you to join me on this experiment. Let's share what we are learning and the questions we find ourselves asking. Nothing is off limits. Throw away your preconceived ideas of who you think Jesus was/is. Forget what you learned in Sunday School. Forget what your pastor/priest/rabbi/youth pastor told you about Him. Start new. Clean slate. Read Luke like it was the first time you have ever read it, and jot down your thoughts.

For starters:

Jesus is not:

a Christian

a Republican

just a good, moral teacher

a white skinned, blue-eyed man

an American, nor does America hold a special place in his heart

a peace-keeper

Mr. Rogers

interested in my money

well-liked

fair

quiet

apathetic

grumpy

looking for an opportunity to scold you

If any of these statements caught you off-guard or made you gasp (even a little)...GOOD! You're starting to reset already. If you're just mad and want to disown me as a friend, I ask you - "Is your faith strong enough to be pulled and stretched and flexed without being broken?" I hope so.

I don't know about you, but I think we become far too complacent in our faith. We go along thinking we have all the right answers. And we believe our "job" is to get everyone to believe everything we do. We surround ourselves with like-minded people who never challenge us. We become lukewarm. Milk-toast. We never question ourselves "because we've always believed that".

So, for the next 6 weeks, let's challenge and question each other. Let's learn together and be prepared to be surprised. God loves to surprise us! Let's expect it, rather than be afraid of it. Ready? Here we go. RESET!

A Need for Perspective